Bamboo Strong

One year ago today, I was getting back surgery and my life was about to be turned upside down before being changed for the best! It was a long road to recovery but my sacrifices were well worth it. Now that the back fusion has taken, I am stronger than I’ve been in years and I feel great about myself. That’s probably why it’s been a while since my last entry. I started Bamboo Strong as a therapy to keep my sanity. I quickly realized that sharing my story was not only helping me but also helping others who may be going through similar experiences. It seems that I have come full circle by sharing my ups and downs for the past few months. Writing on my blog brought me to a better place and I am now able to move on with my life. I feel like a normal person again who can be a productive member of society and most of all provide for my family!

Switching the pool for the tub today! It feels great to be done with physical therapy and really be working out but I’ve been pushing pretty hard this past week and I think that I need a day off of exercising to let my body rest. Between Yoga Friday night and my new Pilates class Saturday, I did many new movements and today I have a bit of a pinch in my left butt cheek. I may have also slept wrong last night or lay too long on my side. I was doing fine during my walk this morning and the pain came later on. I did a few exercises to stretch out but it didn’t pass. The one thing that has been bringing me relief during the past few months is a hot bath. For a while I wasn’t able to sit in the tub and now that I can get comfortable again, I love it. It’s strange how things change, considering that ice over heat use to be the one thing that helped my pain. Now I like to soak in lavender Epson salt and relax under the candle light… even on a week night!

I am doing something new; I just started yoga again tonight at “Yoga Yoga!” I’m very excited since I always loved yoga and hadn’t been able to do it in years because of my back. I could have never done it without my prior 4 weeks of Pilates which prepared me for it. I see a huge improvement in my body this week compared to where I was when I was a month ago. I’ve gotten a lot stronger and gained a lot of confidence even just these past couple of weeks which allowed me to be ready to start yoga. It doesn’t mean that I’m replacing Pilates with yoga because they are completely different and each brings me something that I need. The best way to describe it is that Pilates builds and strengthen my core and yoga stretches my body and calms my inner-self. I alternate and do one or the other every day, still walking 30 minutes a day. I stopped swimming for a while so that I can give my body a rest on Sundays. I’ve grown so much and this is just the beginning of a new practice!

I got it! Today’s Pilates session with Heather felt very different than on Tuesday; I’m such in a better place. It’s as if today all the dots got connected. I have a better understanding of what I’m doing and I feel that I’m able to move my body with a natural flow. I was concerned that I was a slow student and that my trainer would get frustrated with me but she seems proud of my efforts and improvements. She even said that I was smart and had the right approach by wanting to take it slow and understand the movements. That comment sure gave me a big boost! We could already tell that I am getting more flexible (slowly but surely) and even stronger: I did a floor exercise that required me to lift my body sideways while lying on the floor. After just one month, it amazes me what I am capable of and how I’m losing my fears. On the way out from the class I ran into my new friend Mary Beth and she said that I must have had a great workout because I was sweating. Yes I did and that’s awesome because that means I’m burning calories!

I’m feeling stock and frustrated! Today I left my Pilates class with the sensation that I was walking like a duck. I would have thought that standing on my feet is the most natural thing I could do without thinking about and apparently I had been doing it wrong all my life. We did so many corrections on my feet “posture:” relax toes, find ball of the foot center, bring arch in, lower heels, rotate ankles, I had no idea that I could get a complete “feet” workout. Now my feet are sore, they even hurt, and I’m thinking about them way too much. I feel like a slow student whose teacher is wondering if I’m ever going to get it. I think that I just don’t feel good today and I’m in a rut, I feel stock. I’ve reached this new level where I can do a lot more than I’ve been able to in years but I don’t know how to handle it. Pilates is good for me because it’s pushing me to keep going and give the extra effort. I have this new strong and healthy body that I don’t know how to manage. I knew how to live with pain and now I have to learn how to live with my new improved self. The only thing missing is my image; in my head I feel like a thin person but I can’t move like one and the reflection in the mirror doesn’t look like one neither. Now that I have my exercise program down, I need to get serious about my diet!

I always said that I wish I could breathe under water and I’m feeling like a fish again! Sunday swims are becoming easier and more natural. I’m flowing through the water and concentrating on my technique. Instead of worrying if I can or cannot do certain movements, I’m just swimming like I use to. The only thing that I’m not yet confident doing is to spin around at the end of each lap. Although it would not hurt me, I don’t think that there’s any reason to rush it because I’m already sore as it is and that would really take it to the next level. I’m feeling good after my swim but I have to admit that I’m pretty worn out. I am physically exhausted and for some reason also mentally drained. I tried to take a nap but I’m not sleepy, just tired. I’m now down to 30 laps in 20 minutes instead of 30 and I’m not pushing it, that’s just my natural momentum. I still spend 30 minutes in the water exercising. When I arrive I do 2 laps of warm-up by walking, pedaling, and hanging in the deep to stretch out my spine before the big workout. Before coming out of the water I take my pulse and float on my back to relax and cool down. Love it!

 I’m back in the kitchen! One of the most difficult things for me to do after my back surgery was to cook. It was very frustrating because I really enjoy cooking, especially that Larry loves it all: everything is his “favorite!” The hard tile floor was difficult to stand on and hovering over the counter to prep food bothered my back. I made efforts to cook but afterwards I would have just enough energy to eat and was in too much pain to do the dishes. That’s all behind me now as I have no problem preparing a good meal, enjoying it, and cleaning-up (It’s always more fun and goes faster with my dear husband’s help of course!). I also learned a few tips and made some improvements in my kitchen. It’s all about prevention and I have a few helpful tools to avoid the pain to come on. I got one of those gel mats and it was doing such a great job at absorbing the shocks that I kept moving it around the kitchen, so I went out and bought a second one! I now have one for my prep station by the sink and the second by the stove. The other really important tool that I couldn’t do without is a stool; it saves me from standing too long in place when doing a timely repetitive task. I never lost my passion for cooking but I can actually enjoy it again because most importantly… a full belly makes a happy man!

Success ahead! I may not be 100% better just yet but I’m good enough to put job searching back at the top of my priority list and go get it. As my physical therapist use to say; everyone hurts a little bit somewhere and most likely even has back pain. There really isn’t such thing as perfectly fit and healthy and if I wait for that moment to come it’ll probably be a good while. Life is full of surprises and I better seize the day while things are looking up. Now that I’ve been off the medication for months, my mind is sharp and clear and ready to face on professional challenges. Honestly I’m a little bored and feel the need to get back to the business world. Let’s face it; my body is stronger than it’s been in years. I have also finally reached the point of recuperating over night after exercising. My fusion has taken and my spine is “bone” solid… nothing can stop me. No more excuses, I’m more than capable, and I’m going to do what it takes!

Amazing what our internal voice can do to us; fear can hold us back! I’ve improved tremendously for the past 3 months and I may have gotten comfortable in concentrating on my physical rehabilitation but simultaneously I have also regain my mental strength. I needed a reality check to snap out of it and make the next move. Larry and I had a heart to heart chat, which wasn’t necessarily pleasant, but who likes to hear the truth and face reality? I’ve been “talking” a lot about looking for work but haven’t really act on it. I’ve always been so goal oriented and driven but it’s been a while since I haven’t had a job and I think that I’m a little scared. Scared of what, not really sure because I know that I’m capable. I think that I’m just out of practice and I need to get over my self and face the music. It’s all about getting started and taking the first step!

After 2 weeks of Pilates, 4 more classes, I’m getting familiar with this new concept and it feels great. This is a whole new experience and strangely enough, I’m learning to breathe correctly and to be aware of my body. I did a lot of new movements on my first day which made me very sore but after practicing them regularly it’s starting to feel good. I’m already seeing changes: for example being able to notice when my shoulders tense up during the day, I am able to correct the situation only by paying attention to my breathing. Also when I get in my car after each class I smile because I have to adjust my mirror; I’m amazed how the results are instant and my spine is elongated. It’s good to give myself new challenges and to get out of the house to meet new people. We actually had an interesting group as many of us had some kind of French connection and I made 2 new girlfriends: Amelia is a photographer and she’s from Montreal, Mary Beth had the exact same back surgery as me 4 years ago and use to live in Paris. Unfortunately, since they are stronger than me, they will start the Pilates group classes while I’m taking a private one on one class… but no worries, I’ll catch up soon enough!