Bamboo Strong

 Dear Dr. Smith:

Thank you for putting me back on the path of physical freedom!

I had lost the way along with my independence through years of back pain and discouragement. At 38 years old, I thought my self too young to accept defeat but until I met you, I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. You gave me hope and guided me towards health again. I found it impressive for a surgeon to suggest other solutions than surgery! You gave me hope and gained my trust.

Unfortunately, after exhausting all my options (physical therapy, medication, epidural injections), I had no other choice but to go under the knife, but luckily for me, I was in the best hands possible; literally! You worked your magic on me, utilizing your experience and the latest technology, and I am finally on the road to recovery. I am grateful to have been going through this journey with you Dr. Smith. I appreciate the time that you took to answer all my questions thoroughly and your witty sense of humor made me smile each time I saw you, even during the serious and more painful time.

Getting back surgery has definitely been the most difficult challenge that I ever encountered so far in my life but it is very encouraging when I see the little successes that I gain every day. I went in with realistic expectations and found out that hard work and patience pays off. My sacrifices and efforts taught me tenacity and that I am only as strong as the support of my loved ones.

I am a new woman and I stand strong and tall; this is the beginning of the rest of my life!

Thank you! Lili

I’ve been suffering since last Wednesday between the nausea from the Tramadol and the drowsiness from the anti-nausea pill. I have had zero back pain and I haven’t felt sick to my stomach but that’s because the new pill just knocks me out like Benadryl and I just can’t feel anything at all. I had enough so I finally called the nurse again today. She agreed that it’s not right for me to feel that way so my surgeon put me back on a small dose of Hydrocodone (Norco) and is sending me to a new doctor who should be able to help me through this (not a pain management doctor). My ultimate goal is to not be taking any pain medication at all but it is apparently not that simple to get those chemicals out of your body. I can’t wait to see what this new doc can do for me.

It was my first one hour trip and I rode in the passenger seat since I was drowsy because of my new med (Tramadol). I stood up for a while once we got there and visited with Larry’s dad and step-mom and then sat at the dining table for lunch. Afterwards I got tired and had to lie down to rest my spine and I fell asleep deeply for 2 hours. I got up well rested and drove back home. That night I was exhausted and skipped my evening walk but this was a big step forward!

My surgeon took my Hydrocodone (Norco) away and switched me over to a weaker medication (Tramadol) on Wednesday and I’ve been trying to adjust since then. One pill every 6 hour is not enough, and 2 pills is too much, so 1/2  pill every 3 hour is just perfect but I’m nauseous again. This is terrible because I went through the same thing when I jumped over from Oxy to Norco and it took me 4 weeks to finally get to a small enough dosage so that I wouldn’t be nauseous. Just as I get the Norco under control, it’s time to switch to something else and it is very discouraging because my back is doing great and I am physically stronger but now my mind is week and foggy. I am very thankful for my surgeon to have kept me under his wing after surgery as it is very rare. Most of the time surgeons pass over patients to pain management doctors whose specialty is to treat with medication. I obviously needed strong medication after a major back surgery but I am hoping to get to the point of not needing any pain meds which is not necessarily every doctor’s goal. Dr. Smith is great and I appreciate the way he has been treating me but it just doesn’t take away the fact that drugs are still messing me up.

I got the ok to fly from both my physical therapist and my surgeon! They said that it’s time and there is no problem at all for me to get on a plane after 5 months from surgery, especially considering my successful recovery. The first 3 months were kind of slow and more difficult but since I started my physical therapy rehabilitation, I have been doing tremendous progress. I am constantly improving and pushing my limits as well as needing less and less pain medication. So I’m planning an October trip to Québec to visit my family! It’s my stepping stone vacation to recharge before seriously job searching again. I’m making it worthwhile and will stay at my parents new home in Three-Rivers for 3 weeks. It will be a long 12 hour day for me (Austin-Detroit-Québec) and that’s why I thought it through; I’m flying first class, I’m getting the wheelchair service, and my parents will borough my uncle’s minivan so that I can lie down on my back for the 1 hour trip from the airport to their house. I know that it will be an exhausting trip and most likely uncomfortable but it is also a full 3 weeks from now and I know that I will be even stronger by then. I will have almost reached my 6 month mark which means that the fusion should be complete. I feel very good about this and I have been so happy since I bought my plane ticket!

As we were chatting at our meetup yesterday, we realized that caffeine makes us all feel a little better but not really knowing why. The obvious reason as everyone knows is that caffeine gives us a boost of energy but on top of that, for each of us with physical pain, it seems to ease our pain. So I did a bit of Google research and I found out that caffeine works in the nervous system and helps rebuild muscles. Caffeine also enhances certain medications and is actually an ingredient of many prescription drugs. As caffeine can keep us awake, we need to be mindful that it doesn’t replace sleep and that rest is necessary. A little caffeine every day can give you energy and even make you feel good and alleviate your pain!

 What a difference a day makes; that’s the roller-coaster of healing from back surgery. I finally succeeded to cut my medication dose in half and I’ve been feeling so much better. No more nauseous feelings to the stomach and headaches because of the Hydrocodone. I feel like I can focus on a subject and concentrate on having an intelligent conversation without losing my train of thoughts. Today we went to another pool party and I didn’t want to leave because I was interacting with a clear mind and feeling like I was mentally active for the first time in a long time; and that felt good! My body is healing well and now that I’ve got my mind back, I’m slowly reintegrating myself into my normal every day activities.

I seriously thought that I was going to be able to avoid the depression that most people go through after a trauma such as surgery; nausea, constipation, anxiety, spasms, insomnia, set-backs, hair loss, mood swings, ups and downs, fear, etc. So far I’ve gone through every typical step that people experience post-surgery so I don’t know why I was kidding myself about skipping the depression. Maybe it was because of my wonderful support group?  Finally, to get back to the depression, I have noticed my self getting sadder for the past few weeks. I think that this phase is inevitable since it can be caused by so many reasons such as trauma, anesthesia, medication, etc. The only way to make it out of it is to find coping methods that will keep me on a positive track: writing a journal/blog, joining a support group, online research, socializing/parties, building a network, talking to friends and family, going on dates with my husband, cooking, running errands… ultimately making myself useful and finding my purpose again. The most difficult part is to admit that things are not the way they use to be, not necessarily in a bad way, but that I am changed and it may take longer than I think to get where I think I should be and that it may also never happen. I need to remind myself that I am better today than I was before surgery. Today I have good pain from working hard in physical therapy and getting stronger every day, and not from a pinch sciatic nerve that prevents me from doing my grocery and going to work to contribute to my family. The best solution is probably to set short-term/mid-term/long-term goals so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment. I knew that this would be a long process but it feels worse when you’re in the middle of it and I need to take it one step at the time. I’m going to concentrate on the positive and take it one day at the time!

It is important to surround ourselves with encouraging and loving people to ease the recovery, keep your positive wisdom, and help feel better about yourself throughout the ups and downs of rehabilitation. There are different kinds of support groups to fulfill our needs: online support groups, forums, live meet-ups, Weight Watchers, professional networks, social parties, and probably the 2 most important support groups; family and friends. Larry has been the most extraordinary supportive, patient, and understanding husband through this difficult journey. He always seems to know the right thing to say to make me feel better and cheer me up, and he is very affectionate and always willing to massage my aching legs! His mother, Carole, is a great listener and is very understanding. Unfortunately, she has been though a lot of physical pain in her life so we can relate to each other. She has very good advice to share and together we often come up with ideas and solutions to help make things better. Jim and Edna, Larry’s father and step-mother, have also been very supportive. They check up on me regularly and they were the first ones to take me out to a restaurant after surgery, which was good for my moral. They also landed me a box of movies to help with my boredom! My great friends Lisa and Arlene have also been wonderful in calling me on the phone to chat and going out with the husbands. Friendships helped me getting back into my daily life and to feel normal again. My cousin Sophie is a nurse and she was especially helpful in the very beginning when I was in a lot of pain and struggling with the medication. It has been nice to share our lives stories and we have been getting closer throughout this process; she is the sister I never had. Interestingly enough, my 83 year old grandma Monique and I have been going through similar experiences during the past few months as we almost lost her but she got surgery and is now living with a pacemaker. Last but not least, my extraordinary parents: even if they’re 3000 miles away in Québec, we have a very close relationship since we manage to talk and see each other on Skype every day, but I still miss them! (I have a big family and I want to say “Thank You” to all of my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family that I haven’t mentioned and who has been there for me.) Again, surround yourself with a supporting and positive environment to feel that people care about you and that all the efforts and pain through the healing are worth it!

 I’m not depressed, I’m just homesick. It’s one of those things that are hard to explain; it’s a feeling of loneliness inside even when surrounded with people. Home is a place in your mind, filled with memories and emotions. The only way I seem to be able to get some comfort is when petting my cat; the feel of her soft fur and the rumble of her purr remind me of her unconditional love and give me a sense of home. It’s my own fault if I miss Quebec, my French speaking country, if I miss Montreal, my home town, if I miss the best parents in the whole world, if I miss my best friend Roots, if I miss my grandma, my aunts and uncles, and my cousin Sophie. I left at 19, not really knowing what I was getting into especially not that I would never come back home. I’m now 38 and for the last 19 years I have made a new life for myself in the US. I spent half my life as a Canadian and now an American citizen, Texas is what I call home… but most of all, this is where I found my soul mate and Larry gives me my sense of home, his family and my new friends are my home. I have a good life and my husband makes me the happiest girl in the world and somehow inside me awakes once in a while that little butterfly that brings a twinkle of sadness in my eye that makes me miss where I come from. The prickly cactus and the hot sun will never replace the white snow and the sweet maple syrup.